Last night, in honor of my surrogate son's 12th birthday, we dined on sushi and teppenyaki.
As one given to the wonders of umami and the art of cold vinegar rice, I am often caught aghast by the very last dish delivered to that table.
You know, the most dangerous of crockery, the most potentially toxic of all culinary experiences.
No, not the candied ginger.
Nope, not an accidental overdose of wasabi.
Not sashimi of Tessa (puffer fish) that can cause paralysis if prepared improperly.
Ladies and gentlemen, I speak instead to that most dreaded of platters, the one that comes to the table carrying the bill.
My spouse says that I cannot be trusted with a sushi menu. Apparently, I tend to get a bit too over eager when making my selections on the order form. Seems that I transform instanter into an imbecilic idiot, blinded by aliment ambition, and completely ignorant to the fact that I just ordered some 50 or 60 bite size pieces. On one occasion, after having a dalliance with the wonderful list of comestible ecstacy and a writing utensil, I discovered I'd indeed ordered about $200.00 worth of rice, seaweed, and bait.
Last night, however, was rather unique.
It was not the price of the sushi that sent my world into a spin. Self control had been displayed.
There weren't outrageous bar tab charges to swallow. Only one large Asahi.
No, my shock came at the price added to each hibachi dinner for fried rice.
What the hell?
As a student of all things Japanese (even studied the language for one year in college), I am the first to acknowledge that these people have a routine for everything. Seriously, I am not sure whether or not there might be an ornate ritual attached to merely wiping one's own arse. Have you ever watched them make tea? For the love of all that is holy, it is just dried leaves and hot water dammit.
Did I slip into some alternate universe? Had I consumed liquid from the wrong bottle, traveled to wonderland to hang with Johnny Depp?
When did fried rice cost extra at a damn teppenyaki table?
The preparation of the meal is uniform. The performance almost scripted. Fried rice -- followed by meat-- concluding with vegetables.
Entertainment blended with piquant use of scythe and spatula.
Hell, they all make the same onion volcano and convert it into a "choo choo" train, don't they? How many times have I seen the egg spin/"egg roll" joke throughout my life's travels?
In EVERY teppanyaki joint I have visited, without fail or departure from the norm, part of the culinary ritual is the damned fried rice! When did this become an "add on," an option that was not normally available. Shit, I remember when getting the bland, starchy steamed rice was the actual "special request."
I have never been afraid of spending money on a nice meal. To me, there really is no problem with "sticker shock" if I enjoyed the art and magic presented by any chef ,regardless of the style of preparation.
Seriously, no wonder we have economic problems.
What is next?
Are we going to have to pay extra for sauce for the barbeque?
Are there going to be "ala carte" itemized expenses for the "all you can eat" salad bar items?
Will salt on french fries require a premium upgrade?
Will ice in a $3.00 soft drink require a $1.99 surcharge?
As one given to the wonders of umami and the art of cold vinegar rice, I am often caught aghast by the very last dish delivered to that table.
You know, the most dangerous of crockery, the most potentially toxic of all culinary experiences.
No, not the candied ginger.
Nope, not an accidental overdose of wasabi.
Not sashimi of Tessa (puffer fish) that can cause paralysis if prepared improperly.
Ladies and gentlemen, I speak instead to that most dreaded of platters, the one that comes to the table carrying the bill.
My spouse says that I cannot be trusted with a sushi menu. Apparently, I tend to get a bit too over eager when making my selections on the order form. Seems that I transform instanter into an imbecilic idiot, blinded by aliment ambition, and completely ignorant to the fact that I just ordered some 50 or 60 bite size pieces. On one occasion, after having a dalliance with the wonderful list of comestible ecstacy and a writing utensil, I discovered I'd indeed ordered about $200.00 worth of rice, seaweed, and bait.
Last night, however, was rather unique.
It was not the price of the sushi that sent my world into a spin. Self control had been displayed.
There weren't outrageous bar tab charges to swallow. Only one large Asahi.
No, my shock came at the price added to each hibachi dinner for fried rice.
What the hell?
As a student of all things Japanese (even studied the language for one year in college), I am the first to acknowledge that these people have a routine for everything. Seriously, I am not sure whether or not there might be an ornate ritual attached to merely wiping one's own arse. Have you ever watched them make tea? For the love of all that is holy, it is just dried leaves and hot water dammit.
Did I slip into some alternate universe? Had I consumed liquid from the wrong bottle, traveled to wonderland to hang with Johnny Depp?
When did fried rice cost extra at a damn teppenyaki table?
The preparation of the meal is uniform. The performance almost scripted. Fried rice -- followed by meat-- concluding with vegetables.
Entertainment blended with piquant use of scythe and spatula.
Hell, they all make the same onion volcano and convert it into a "choo choo" train, don't they? How many times have I seen the egg spin/"egg roll" joke throughout my life's travels?
In EVERY teppanyaki joint I have visited, without fail or departure from the norm, part of the culinary ritual is the damned fried rice! When did this become an "add on," an option that was not normally available. Shit, I remember when getting the bland, starchy steamed rice was the actual "special request."
I have never been afraid of spending money on a nice meal. To me, there really is no problem with "sticker shock" if I enjoyed the art and magic presented by any chef ,regardless of the style of preparation.
Seriously, no wonder we have economic problems.
What is next?
Are we going to have to pay extra for sauce for the barbeque?
Are there going to be "ala carte" itemized expenses for the "all you can eat" salad bar items?
Will salt on french fries require a premium upgrade?
Will ice in a $3.00 soft drink require a $1.99 surcharge?
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