I think my youngest is on meth

I should have seen it.

All of the signs were there.

It explains so much that defied explanation.

The frantic and frenetic speech patterns. The inability to understand the narratives shared. She pontificates with such dispatch that at a party, another guest complimented her on her Spanish. The lady is not bi-lingual!

The explosive flurries of activity followed by the sudden crash into deep slumber. Seriously, trains could run THROUGH the hallway outside of her room and she would sleep through it.

The ability to stay awake longer that the rest of the household. Sleeping late into the day if left undisturbed.

Then there is the fact that she lives in an alternate reality. One that defies the very fabric of the space time continuum. She frolics along at a pace that baffles. Her conversations come from way out in left field. Instructions are never followed, or even heard and comprehended for that matter.

It has to be! She has to be using meth. I think I need to go to CVS and buy one of those tests.

Wait .....

Never mind, my wife just reminded me that she is merely four, turning five in a week.

Ya lost me there Tebow

Before this week, I harbored no innate reason to dislike, abhor, or loath Timothy Richard Tebow. In the two times that this young man took the field against my beloved Tigers, he never saw a victory (2006: AU27 (#3)UF17 & 2007: AU20 (#4)UF17). Indeed, as he was despised by all who wear the red and black, and he had a habit of destroying and embarassing my most reviled arch enemy for the last two years, hell, I kinda grew to like the kid.

What I always found to be even more impressive, though, was the essence of this collegiate athlete. In a sport were superegos and arrogance make mouths and bodies do assenine things both on and off the field of battle, here was a positive archetype we could parade to the youth of America. Dedicated, hard working, passionate, compassionate, magnanimous, and philinthropic are traits found in this young humanitarian. Add to this his willingness to work voluntarily in the Third World, and his desire to genuinely serve his God and his fellow men, damn, I wanted to BE this guy. I REALLY wanted this kid to marry one of my girls.

Unfortunatley, this goldenrod for all that is good became tarnished for me this week with the controversy over his Superbowl advertisement for Focus on the Family:

The Heisman Trophy winning quarterback — one of the most celebrated college football players of all time — has cut an ad with his mother Pam, who tells of her decision not to end her 1987 pregnancy in spite of advice from doctors to do so. Pam Tebow and her husband were working as missionaries in the Philippines at the time when doctors there advised her to have an abortion due to health concerns. She did not, and Tim Tebow was born. - Politico

Dude, you are not even in the NFL and now you are going to destroy the very institution that made you what you are? Football was sacred. The Superbowl was apolitical, a place where right and left, east and west, North and South, Christian and everybody else, could put aside all of the innane and useless partisan bickering for just a few hours and come together to consume mass quantities of food and fellowship.

“Some people won’t agree with it, you know, but I think they can at least respect that I stand up for what I believe,” Tebow said. “I'm just standing for something. That's the reason why I'm here because my mom is a very courageous woman.”-- POLITICO

An athlete like yourself is one in a million. I get that. Had your mother followed doctor's advise, you would not be here. Duh!

Just like you, the odds are often one in a million that at child in a troubled pregnancy might also grow up to be healthy, loved, nurtured, and protected without having physical difficulties to overcome and burdens to be placed upon families. In my world, this is referred to as "anecdotal evidence."

Whoa now! Those of you that might want to comment quickly about the sins of abortion can just calm down. I am not supporting the killing of innocent fetuses who have done nothing against the world. I am not advocating the employment of selective eugenics to build a better race. I would not suggest this even be a form of mere birth control.

My problem is that each week in my volunteer work through the juvenile courts, I get to witness firsthand the results of unwanted pregnancies, or challenged children born to parents who can't wipe their own ass, much less care for my dog (who only needs food and water, and to be let in at night and out in the morning -- a trained chimp could do these tasks).

I do, however, object to having the government MANDATE a decision upon a woman, a man and a woman, or a family. That is having a choice. One that can be made by those who are directly effected by its impact, not career politicians living tens, hundreds, or a thousand miles away. More importantly, if you advocate the government's control of reproductive rights, you had better be ready to spend your hard earned money in tax dollars for a support system to give that child a chance, to wit:

If you are going to protect it in the womb, you had better be prepared to provide for it until the tomb. -- My Mom, Shelia O'Brien Govignon (sage woman I tell ya, just took @ 20 years to figure it out -- Hi Mom!)

Timmy, Timmy, Timmy. I respect your rights. I respect your beliefs. Just don't force them down my throat at the Superbowl. Just let me drink my libations, and chew on my chicken wings and nacho chips in peace. Keep the politics out of my game. It's not much to ask. It's only one damn day! Just play football and then do your non-athletic work off the field. That is all I ask, as I don't wish to exercise my "choice" and be forced to watch Fox on Sunday night.

It is all about "choice." Funny that an advocate for life, not choice would be quoted with the following:

Marjorie Dannenfelser, president of the Susan B. Anthony List, defended CBS’s decision during an interview with POLITICO.

The head of the group opposing abortion rights said that “Women can be trusted with information and they certainly don’t need to be protected from the idea that if they have a crisis pregnancy that they can choose life.”

“What are they protecting people from?” she asked. “It is just so counter to the whole mission which is to provide women choices. This is just the one choice they can’t abide.”

I need more "Jersey Shore"

Let me begin with the fact that I am the product of 12 years of private Catholic education including a stretch at one of the finest parochial high schools in Atlanta (at that time actually the only one). That was followed by a successful "Post Graduate" year at an "Ivy League" preparatory school (http://www.hotchkiss.org) before embarking upon a college career. I graduated Cum Laude as a University Honors Scholar with a bachelor's degree in Political Science with a concentration in Public Administration and a double minor in History. My Honor's Thesis is published as a bound volume and on the university shelves. I have a Doctorate of Jurisprudence from one of the oldest institutions of legal education in the United States.

Why this litany of credentials? To declare my status as an intellectual first, 'cause I want, need, must confess that I have become addicted to this damn program. I have found myself irreparably drawn to a "reality" program that defies any logical form of normal human reason. I have become unabashedly envious of those who master their lives by the simple, but zen mantra, to wit: G-T-L.

I am a survivor of the initial MTV generation. I can remember calling my cable provider to proudly declare that "I want my MTV!" I still tune in on the satellite radio to the 80s channel to hear the nostalgic voices of Nina Balckwood and Martha Quinn. My heart yearns for the days when Music Television actually had something to do with music videos. I mourned at the loss of "Remote Control" host Ken Ober last November. Anyone remember the antics of a very young Adam Sandler pre-SNL?

Just when I had given all hope that the crap MTV airs would ever hold my interest again, along came this delectable piece of video candy. Could we have returned to the days when watching this vanguard network was actually an act of rebellion? Have we restored the honor of the "moonman" and planted the flag back into the hinterland of everything offensive to political sensitivity? Where we finally going to abandon forcing a politically correct agenda with pregnant teenage mothers and spoiled 16 year old rich children?

I best described it to my wife as the horrible road side accident with morbid and sanguinary fatalities. Reason, social training, and proper more dictate that one must look away in respect, however you are helplessly trapped in a gawky stare as you pass by unnecessarily slowly. Try as I might, an obsession formed to find out what would happen in next week's episode. In the absence of college football, my Saturdays would be spent watching the "catch-up" replays to bring myself up to speed.

Who could resist the "folksy" wisdom of a veritable genius that is "Snooki" (had to remind myself that it is with an "i" and not the traditional "y") I relish my new found knowledge that one should not eat lobsters because they are alive when you kill them!

As a man, husband, and father I am reminded of everything I have missed in life by the exploits of "The Situation." Oh to be an unapologetic chauvinistic alpha male asshole! My life would be so much simpler if all I had to do was strive to "get girls." How I waste my days at work paying bills to the man, when I could be at the gym or working on my tan! Before this program, my socially sheltered naivete thought "robbery" had to do with theft of goods or personalty by threat of force or harm. Now, I am a better person for discovering it means taking advantage of another man's bathroom break to steal away his conquest.

Thanks to Vinny, I know the sins of taking the bosses "girl" home from the bar.

Paulie demonstrated the proper etiquette when serving as a "wing man" in the hazards of wild hunting grounds that are the modern night clubs.

From Ronnie, I have taken away caution to avoid men from the Bronx with heavy accents who are bulging with muscles. Apparently steroids, combined with the lifting weights, make one more than swollen, it gives them the superhuman ability to put my ass on the ground with a single strike. Seriously buddy, love the ability, but you might want to put someone like myself on steady retainer for the future.

What I love the most is the ridiculous "outrage" by several Italian-American groups who protested the negative stereotype of the "guido." As they did when HBO broadcast the magic that was "The Sopranos," these groups flocked to the media to decry "foul" and demand retribution. According to UNICO National President Andre DiMino, Italian-Americans continue to be the only ethnic group that it is acceptable to negatively stereotype and demean. Here is my favorite quote by New York Post columnist Linda Stasi:

[Jersey Shore is a show]"...in which Italian-Americans are stereotyped (clearly at the urging of its producer) into degrading and debasing themselves -- and, by extension, all Italian-Americans -- and furthering the popular TV notion that Italian-Americans are gel-haired, thuggish, ignoramuses with fake tans, no manners, no diction, no taste, no education, no sexual discretion, no hairdressers (for sure), no real knowledge of Italian culture and no ambition beyond expanding steroid-and silicone-enhanced bodies into sizes best suited for floating over Macy's on Thanksgiving."

Let me just say this, as a overweight man, of Irish and French ancestry, raised in the South --

"Shut the hell up and quit your whining. Last time I checked, it remains perfectly fine to ridicule and mock people who are overweight, or to refer to those of us with a drawl as ignorant, uneducated, inbred hicks or rednecks. Hell, just a few years it was patriotic to make fun of the French and everybody thinks Irishmen are drunks."

If we are to celebrate diversity in our modern society, that means taking the good with the bad. America, as a melting pot, requires that we have people of all types, and stereotypes, to enhance the dish. When did it become so wrong to celebrate that which is merely reality, whether or not we like it? We may all have that weird in-law who smells funny and is a constant embarrassment, but we are not a family without them. There are Irish who are sodden. Some gay men are flamboyant, like my man, Cameron. Some Hispanics sound like Speedy Gonzalez when the speak. Some of Asian decent are really good at math. The guy from the credit card company sounds like Apu when he calls. There are actually white guys like myself who are nerdy geeks who follow Star Trek and have comic book collections.

The fact that I point these out does not make me intolerant or racist. It just makes me observant with the ability to find joy and humor in the human condition. My obsession with this program, "Modern Family," and "The Big Bang Theory" all stem from the fact that I might occasionally say internally "yeah, I've done that" or "I have a friend just like that." Even better still, I might gain some insight into a life that is not my own. I might garner a new understanding from witnessing first hand the trials and tribulations of another.

In the "light of day" the "ugly," might be seen more aptly, as the wonderfully unique.

I think Sammi "Sweetheart" Giancola said it best in her own defense:

"It's just people living life on the show … that's it... We shouldn't judge, because everybody's their own person. I feel, as an Italian-American, I understand their ways. People are what they are ... and that's the way it is."

So, MTV, bring me another season with the majority of this cast. Feed my hunger and entertain me.

Oh, dear enchantress Snickers, I am hungry for more and I am not going anywhere for a while.

Babe, orange is the new tan!

Hello World

That pretty much sums it up. I guess like everyone else in the modern day world of public display and closet voyeurism, it was only a matter of time before this happened. Not one to keep my opinion to myself, or tread lightly in most conversations, I have grown weary of the word count limitations created by Twitter or Facebook.

So, the experiment begins .... can I rant each day, everyday, and keep it light and fluffy? Not even going to try. Just seeking to write and publish my thoughts and feelings on certain subjects or topics in an attempt to regain or maintain sanity as my 40th birthday looms in the next 12 months. In this economy professional therapy is too damn expensive, and let's face it, I already know how I feel having to resolve my own problems while getting paid to fix the issues in the lives of others.

I am 39, practicing law, married for more than a decade (together for almost a score), trying my best to raise two wonderful girls, and keep them from having me fixed like the dog.

I live in a small town where being a "liberal" is generally considered a dirty word and generally an offense to God himself for some reason. The mere fact that I might consider a different, more secular opinion gets me in trouble more times than I care to count these days.

I have a baby brother who took a different route on the highway of life and proudly serves our nation in uniform living in harm's way. We both live our lives by virtue of two oaths to protect our nation and Constitution: mine with the power of words and text, his by the power of the sword. I am an Auburn Tiger and he is a Georgia Bulldog, both actually being alumni of these sacred institutions. Imagine my face when he called from Baghdad last November to give me hell about my beloved Tigers losing yet again to those bastards.

I am generally a centrist or moderate in my views. Some times I lean left, and other times I lean right.

I dread and fear the day that some boy comes to my front door and tells me that he is there to get one of my girls.

So, as any journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, here is my right foot forward.

If you feel the need to comment, please do. I welcome other opinions and never turn away any stroking of my ego. All I ask is that you be nice -- I may have a tough exterior but I have a warm, soft nougat center.